Trouble in Paradise
by xoxjumpergirlxox
Summary: Life seems perfect for Jax and Tara as they both have settled into and accepted their lives.  What happens when old wounds are prodded and mistakes are made once more? Will the pair survive? Or will their paradise be lost forever?
1. The beginning

A/N It has been a very long time since I have written anything on FF and I apologize. I've really been struck the past couple of days to write this story and I have to get it out. At this point, I am unsure of whether or not I am going to continue Only Time Will Tell myself or give it up for adoption. That's the latest, and yeah enjoy

*I own nothing, Kurt Sutter does. Lucky bastard.

**Trouble in Paradise**

Tara P.O.V

It has been a good 15 years since Jax first became President and my hand was brutally mangled in that van. It's been about 14 years since I regained the entire use of said hand through extensive therapy and through blood, sweat, and tears. My little Abel is now 19 years old and is a heart breaker just like his old man. Looking at him is like looking at a mirror replica of Jax at that age. In addition to the Teller looks, Abel is blessed with the same intelligence and heart. I am proud to say that my baby boy graduated high school at the top of his class. Oh, he's also the Vice-president of SAMCRO. Thomas, or rather Tommy, is now 17 and is in the middle of his prospecting. He looks just like me, but is a Teller through and through. I swear the broken hearts from my boys would line the town twice over. He also is extremely intelligent and shockingly (but not to me) is on the track to be Valedictorian. Personally, I think he works so hard to prove to this town that he is more than what he looks. The newest addition is 15 year old Ryanna. She is the perfect balance between Jax and I, but she is also the quintessential daddy's girl. In fact, she has all her "uncles" wrapped around her finger. SAMCRO'S princess is her current identifier about town, but she is just like her brothers in her intelligence, heart, and looks. Then, there is Jax, the love of my life. That odious, beautiful man has not changed a bit. His hair is still shaved close, but just as blond as ever. I swear some days I wonder if he didn't make a pit stop at the Fountain of Youth on his way back from Ireland those many years ago. He has maintained those famous washboard abs and has grown even stronger. Actually, let's face it, that man is gorgeous and will forever be.

We've had our struggles, being the Old Lady of the President of the Mother Charter is not a ball park, coupled with the continual threats and dangers and freakin cartels it hasn't been easy. However, we're making it, I rather think we have made it. Plus, in these 15 years I have never had a reason to believe that Jax has reneged on his promise of fidelity. Married life is kind of sweet at the moment. As for me, I haven't changed a bit, save for a few worry wrinkles here and there. I am a practicing doctor (surgeon) at St. Thomas and I love every minute of it. Where I once worried if I would ever be able to save a life or feel a tiny heartbeat again, that fear is conquered every day. In fact, I am rather loving life, it's perfectly imperfect.

Abel P.O.V

"Shit, shit, shit" I thought to myself. The club is currently on a run to Nevada and let's just says that the company has improved exponentially in 15 years. Company being a rather loose term at the moment and improved being a term for scientifically enhanced breasts and god knows what. A biker's wet dream, except for when you notice a red headed croweater sideling up to your dad, the National President. "For the love of God, do not do what I think you are going to do Dad," I desperately prayed in my head. My dad hasn't been with anyone but my mother in over 15 years, that statistic really does not need to change. Watching my dad, I notice the empty shot glasses and the famous Teller smirk etching its way onto his face and I down my whiskey and groan, palming my face. From the slits in between my fingers I spy the adulterous duo heading towards the back with my father's fingers settling on her ass. As the door slams shut behind them I feel the anger sweeping through my veins and I mutter an impassioned, "FUCK!" This will kill my mother, if she ever finds out that is. I won't be the one to tell her though, what happens on the road stays on the road. Which I find to be utter bullshit, but that's what my club does. I really won't tell her because I don't want to be responsible for dropping that nuclear bomb; **I** refuse to break her heart. Even though, it was obviously broken about five minutes ago, judging from the noise level.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and unsurprisingly I turn to welcome my "Uncle" Happy looming behind me. The surprise was in the fact that he and my mother are actually best friends now. They bonded about two weeks after the birth of my baby sister, when they were both held at gunpoint with Ryanna in my mother's arms. Uncle Hap stood protectively in front of them both and I think he was extremely impressed when my mother shot the fucker between the eyes as he tried to shoot Uncle Hap. Ever since then they have been like brother and sister. "Listen, kid," his voice raspy from years of drinking and smoking, "you know the rules, aight? Not a word of this to your ma. We both know what it would do to her." I look into his dark irises and discover sympathy and reluctance in his eyes. "It's not right, Hap. Ma is beautiful, smart, successful, his WIFE, and the mother of his children. She has supported him throughout their entire relationship, obviously risking her own life to be with him." Shaking my head, I stand up and meet his eyes just once more before stepping outside for a much needed cigarette and time alone. "She doesn't deserve this; you know it just as much as I do." My words slice through the increasingly dark night and as I exit the clubhouse a bright streak of lightning flashes across the sky and the thunder rolls a few moments behind.


	2. Secret Revealed

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Which is getting quite depressing to have to repeat every chapter…. Blah, blah, blah…. Kurt Sutter gets credit for the characters etc etc etc. EXCEPT for the ones I create, so suck that Sutter.

**Trouble In Paradise**

Tara P.O.V

With Jax and Abel off on the latest run, it is just Tommy, Ryanna, and I keeping it straight on the home front. Even though I love my kids with every fiber of my being, I feel lonely without Jax here by my side. A queen needs her king, you know. Especially last night, I was lying in bed when I was jolted awake by this sharp pain in my chest. I immediately went into doctor mode, assessing where the pain was (my heart) and whether or not certain parts of my body were going numb and entering paralysis (they weren't). I deduced it was a freak occurrence and attempted to go back to the bliss of sleep, but that pain resonated throughout the night and I had a hard time sleeping.

Waking up this morning I felt the residual pain, almost a slow burning at this point, and popped a couple pain killers before the kids woke up. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down with my phone. Flipping the screen open, I noticed a good morning text from Abel, one which very delicately stated, "im alive. No worries." Strange though, Jax hadn't texted or called me yet and he always does to let me know he is okay and that he loves me. The burning became a bit stronger and I absentmindedly rubbed my hand across my heart as I anxiously checked my phone every minute. The shrill ringing shocked me out of my stupor and I hurried to answer the call. "Hello? Jax?" I breathed out, waiting for the reply. "Not Jax, a fact you'll be glad for soon enough." Okay, what the hell is going on here I thought before answering, "Who the hell is this?" The unknown voice called back, "What? You don't remember your favorite croweater? It's Cherry".

I pondered out loud a bit, "Cherry? Wow, it has been a very long time. How are you?" She hesitated before whispering back, "It's been about twenty years." I instantly recognized that it has been about twenty years since Kip was murdered…right in front of me. "I miss him too," I whispered back but before I could continue in my memories, Cherry interrupted in a much stronger, harsher tone. "I didn't call to talk about _him, _I have some information that I think you'll find extremely pertinent, information about your husband." Cutting out all the niceties, and morphing into Queen mode, I growled into the receiver, " You have three seconds to spit out whatever the fuck you think you know, before I shove my hand through this phone and slit your god damned throat." "JAX FUCKED A CROWEATER LAST NIGHT!" she screamed into the phone. My heart slowed to an insane rhythm and I calmly whispered, "Excuse me? What the fuck did you just say to me?" "I know this may seem hard to believe seeing as I just called out of the blue—"tick tock Cherry"— "um so a couple of girls back at the Nevada clubhouse and I keep in touch and well I was told that he went into the back with this redheaded bitch named Nina, and was not seen until the morning. Reports say they were very vocal throughout the… experience, if you will, and pictures were taken." "Send them to this number. NOW!"

Within seconds my phone was buzzing with an incoming text, or rather at this point, THE pivotal text. With shaking hands I paused the call and clicked onto my inbox. Taking a shallow breath I accepted the message and was faced with several images. Most of which were of Jax fucking the bitch, except the last two. One showed Jax leering at the thing and delivering the lady killer Teller smirk. The other was of the two passed out on some dingy backroom bed, fully naked and obviously in the after throes of their _fuck._ My heart stopped. My breath stopped. My mind stopped. Silence stretched across the empty room like an overwhelming shadow, and then it happened. My soul shattered.

It was all I could do to hang up the phone. I sat, paralyzed, in the house that Jax and I shared. The house where we raised our children, the house that was filled with all kinds of love, the physical manifestation of our success as a family. We were sturdy, strong, protective, and made to last. We WERE all those things, now we ARE nothing. That man broke the solemn vow he made to me in front of God and our family, the one pledging his everlasting fidelity, the deal breaker as I christened it so many years ago. I don't know how long I sat in that god forsaken chair, but I know it didn't take long to lace up my running shoes. Having let the news resonate, I was _pissed off_. How dare that son of a bitch do this to me! Never once, whether in high school or adulthood, have I cheated on that man. Not once, I can't even find it in myself to look at another man, and yet _**he**_ can easily manage to shove his dick into someone who was most certainly NOT his wife. Thank god I never sold my father's house and have paid for the upkeep over the years; the old thing is going to be having some new tenants. Having resolved myself to my plans, I stood up quickly and shoved away from the chair. Marching with purpose I stride into Tommy's room and then to Ryanna's screaming them out of their naïve oblivion and into this new reality with my mantra for the day: "Get up and pack your shit!"


	3. Action please

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Which is getting quite depressing to have to repeat every chapter…. Blah, blah, blah…. Kurt Sutter gets credit for the characters etc etc etc. EXCEPT for the ones I create, so suck that Sutter.

**Trouble In Paradise**

Tara P.O.V

I stormed out of the kids rooms', ignoring their anxious pleas to know what the hell was happening, and burst into _the_ room. I refuse to acknowledge anything that was once considered in the plural pronoun "ours". The slimy git was going to rue the day he ever thought it would be okay to cheat on me again. Shoving pairs of work clothes and civilian clothes into my ever faithful black duffel bag, my eyes never strayed from the task at hand. Despite my anger, I knew that if I looked around this room that I would break down and I can not afford to be weak. I morphed from my mommy dearest persona and into my biker bitch inner self. "The bus is leaving in five minutes, and your shit had better be packed!" I screamed out to light a fire under my confused children's asses. Casting my glance quickly around the room, I found nothing deemed worthwhile to take with me at the moment and with a final curt look, I exited that room.

Tommy P.O.V

I don't know what the flying fuck is going on right now. I was just aimlessly drifting along in the sweet comfort of my head, when the she-demon clawed me awake. The Queen bee was back, and when Mom went Hulk, well you got the fuck outta dodge. I immediately hopped out of bed and grabbed my emergency bag from the closet. It contained a pack of smokes, an old knife, a glock, some clothes, and other miscellaneous shit. Whatever happened to piss her off has to be real bad, and I am praying to God and any other deity that it has nothing to do with me…

Ryanna P.O.V

Jesus Christ! Chucky came out of hiding! My mother was no longer the sweet surgeon; she was into the Queen Biker Bitch mode, channeling Gemma at her worst and paring it with herself at her worst. Fucking deadly combo right there. Judging from the pitch of her shout, I determined that I had better do what she told, not that I wouldn't have anyways, but I moved with a bit more oomph. I've never heard her this upset before, I just pray to God that nobody died or that the unthinkable had occurred…

Tara P.O.V

Brushing through the doorway I see Tommy and Ryanna rushing out of their rooms and into the hallway. "Good, now that we are all up, get in the cutlass" I saw their mouths begin to peep, their curiosity teeming. My eyes narrowed and I repeated my directive, "I said, get your asses into the cutlass. NOW!" They turned about face and moved so fast, someone would have thought that they stole something. Following their dust, I kept my eyes trained in front of me, studiously ignoring the family pictures lining the walls. Reaching the front door, I place my hand on the suspiciously cold knob and start to turn when I saw my wedding photo on the nearest wall.

Quickly removing my hand, I stomped over to the picture and stared at the happy expressions on our faces. Seeing the pure, unadulterated love in our eyes was like a knife to my gut. For that split second, my anger faded and was replaced with the heart wrenching torture my soul was enduring. It cries out in torment as every thought of the betrayal rips it into further into fragments. "Stop it," I desperately commanded my mind, "not now." The tears sprang to my eyes as my hands clutched my heart and my stomach simultaneously, as if trying to prevent my dissolution. White noise flooded my ear drums, and memories of Jax and I flew across the blank canvas of my inner eyelids. I could feel myself falling into the confines of my mind, and was helpless to stop the perilous drop, until an image of Jax, the kids, and I passed my sight.

Remembering that Tommy and Ryanna were outside waiting for me, the woman that they depend upon like no other, I slowly drew my body up from its curled up position and shakily stood, attempting to calm my breathing. Anger flooded my system once more, as I realized just how easy that man destroys me, how quick I was to forget myself and my kids. Turning my eyes toward the picture once more, I drew myself up to my full height and drew my fist back, letting it fly through the air and penetrating the glass barrier of the frame. Hearing the glass shattering and feeling the power beneath my fist as it delivered the coup de grace was sinfully satisfying. Picking up my duffel once more, I strolled to the door and returned to my previous position of grasping a hand to the knob. This time, I turned it easily clockwise and stepped through the threshold, never once glancing back…


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy or any of its affiliations, except for my own characters. **

**Trouble In Paradise**

**Abel P.O.V**

** Three days later and we finally are back in Charming, Dad and the other guys are heading straight to the clubhouse, but I am just so exhausted that I opted to head back home. "What the hell?" I thought as I walked through the door and caught sight of my parents' wedding photo smashed into smithereens on the floor. "Mom?" I called out hesitantly. No reply. "Thomas?" Silence. "Ryanna?" All that I hear is my voice bouncing off the walls. I whipped out my cell phone and dialed Dad's cell phone. "Abel?" I hear him greet. "Dad, you need to get out here. Your wedding photo is smashed in pieces, and nobody is home." He replies immediately, "Stay there, Hap and I will be two minutes." I reply in the affirmative and sit down on the couch, exhaling with a slight tinge of fear.**

**Jax P.O.V**

** "Hap!" I call out as I stalk towards my bike, "Abel got to the house, but says that Tara and the kids aren't there and that my wedding photo is smashed." His eyes reveal nothing, but I see his back straighten almost imperceptibly before he nods his head and marches towards his bike as well. Hopping onto my bike and Hap doing the same, we sped off. My heart is pounding through my chest, and I am feeling the same panic I felt when I found out that Salazar had taken Tara. Suddenly I am struck with just exactly I had done in Oregon. I fucked some croweater, why the hell did I do that? I love Tara, with all my heart, she's my soul mate. This I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, and it's not as if our sex life is lacking. Even after all these years it still catches my breath, I have never experienced anything like it. What the hell have I done? She can never know, she'll leave me for sure. I can't live without her, with that last thought I sped a little faster. **

**Abel P.O.V**

** "Dad," I called out as I heard the front door open. Standing up, I walked over and saw him crouching at the shards of glass still littering the floor. He looks up at me and I can see his worry, feel the fear radiating from his body. I can see Hap make his way through the entry and head upstairs to check out the house. I didn't say much, just stood by my dad as he worked whatever he had to out. "Jax" I heard Hap call out, "She left". Dad stood up and spat out "What?" Hap actually looked uncomfortable for a split second before turning all business mode. He cleared his throat and began, "There is no sign of forced entry, Thomas' and Ryanna's rooms are untouched except for missing clothes. Your bedroom is cleared of Tara's scrubs and other clothes and her duffle bag is gone. Nobody abducted them….they left on their own."**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not have any ownership over the characters in this story except for those I have created on my own.**

**A/N: I am so so so sorry for the long wait between updates, I haven't been in a very good writing zone as of late and I kinda lost my mojo. Enjoy**

**Trouble in Paradise**

**Ryanna P.O.V**

"**Um, Abel?" I asked tentatively over the phone line. "Ryanna! Where the fuck are you guys?" I heard my dad in the **

**background, he sounded so worried and was trying to **

**convince Abel to give him the phone. "Hey, I'm gonna put you on speaker, alright?" I responded with a quiet affirmative. "Mom doesn't know that I'm calling, but she packed everything up and made Thomas and I go with her to her dad's old house." My dad groaned and then I heard Uncle Happy come over the line, "You guys alright though?"**

**In my mind's eye a sight of my mother came into view, her face was hardened, every inch of her was drawn taut and ready to pounce. Behind that appearance, I saw something that made my gut clench in fear, she looked broken. "Uh, alright is kinda a relative term. We're all safe, but somethings wrong with Mom. She is the definition of pissed, Uncle Hap, I've never seen her this angry before. It's just that, well I don't know how to describe it, but she looks broken."**

**Jax P.O.V**

**Hearing Ryanna's sweet voice over the phone brought a sense of relief over my raw nerves, but the message she was sending did nothing to ease my sense of forbearance. Deep down, I knew what this conversation means; it means that Tara had to have found out what happened in Nevada, nothing else makes sense. I don't know how on earth she found out this quickly, or at all, but I'm praying that this is all a big misunderstanding and that my guilty conscience is weighing on me. **

** "Ryanna, we're coming over, don't tell your mom though, alright?" She answers with a solemn "Yes sir", and I just know that if, more likely when, she finds out what I've done, she will hate me. "Okay baby, just hold on. I love you." "I love you too daddy." Closing the phone and returning it to Abel, I close my eyes and take a shuttering breath. I say nothing more to my two companions and head towards the door and subsequently my bike. Jesus Christ, I have ruined my family, what have I done? The mantra spun through my thoughts as I start up my bike and make my way towards my heart…**

**A/N 2: I know this was really short, but I just needed to get something up to give me a bit of confidence again. Bear with me please, I would appreciate any advice or ideas you guys have for where this story should go. Sometimes my writing just becomes blah, and by blah I mean shit. Thanks! xoxo**


	6. Chapter 6

*I do not own Sons of Anarchy, Kurt Sutter, unfortunately does.

A/N So I think it is safe to say that it has been awhile. It is incredibly hard to be inspired to write about a couple that ended so tragically and unnecessarily. The show is missing the richness of the dynamic between Jax and Tara, and it is hard to watch when there is literally zero redeeming qualities about this man and world anymore. But I have convinced myself that the best way to make myself feel better and alleviate what I am considering a great injustice, is to keep this couple alive in my world and portray their character to the best of my abilities. I have decided to continue work on my other story, and hopefully they both will be better than before. Thanks so much for anyone who has stuck around for all this time, and any advice, tips, suggestions, ideas, or constructive criticism is always appreciated. I hope you enjoy.

Trouble in Paradise

Ryanna P.O.V

After hanging up with my dad, I shoot Tommy a quick text to let him know about the incoming bogey and to warn him to be prepared for anything. From the moment I woke up this morning, nothing has made sense. Mom would never just leave Dad out of the blue, but she did. It has to be more than just an argument because honestly those two fight all the time. The only thing that could really be the root of our current displacement, is the one thing that I pray to every god available is not the case, my father would not have cheated on my mother…

Even as I am denying this, I know that it must be true. Mom has always taught me to never let a man disrespect you. Never let them hit you, never let them treat you like dirt, and never let them lie with another woman. I know my father has cheated on my mother before, but it was way before I was even born and everyone talks about how loyal my father is to Mom now. If he is capable of cheating on her like this, after all this time, I don't even know that I can look at him the same.

From the distance, my well-trained ears pick up on the sounds of motorcycles approaching our drive, and I know my mom has heard them as well if the cursing is anything to judge by. Even still, I remain seated, measuring out the sounds of their heavy footfalls making their way to the door, seated even as I hear the tentative knock on the front door. I just can't shake the ominous feeling that my entire life is about to change, and that scares the shit out of me. In the background, I can hear Tommy yelling to Mom that he's got the door, and I can just barely make out the cut of his figure as he rushes to the door, throwing it open and greeting our father. Shaking my head and scooting back from the table, I say one more quick prayer, "Dear God, please don't let my family fall apart. Amen. "

Tara P.O.V

I could hear the motorcycles coming, after all these years I could even tell which bike belonged to which biker, but I didn't need to rely on my body to let me know who was knocking on my door. Abel would be there, eager to see his siblings and myself. He would be concerned and hesitant because he already knows why I left, and I'm sure he thinks a part of me is pissed at him as well. Happy would be there as well, loyal to his president and club, but fighting his loyalty to me. An unnecessary struggle because at the end of the day, despite how close we are, Happy is always and will always be a club man. And of course, he would be there front and center, Jackson Nathaniel Teller, a king among his court of leather bound knights.

The conversation will be all too familiar, he'll act sorry and repentant until he realizes that I'm not buying into his bullshit. Then, he will tell me how much he loves me. Confident that an "I love you, so much babe," will repair the damage he has once again brought upon me. We have been down this road before…I shake my head in disbelief, anger swelling through my veins at the prospect of seeing him. Getting out of bed and walking over to the mirror atop the dresser, I look at my reflection, and honest to God if I don't look like a woman scorned.

Walking quickly to the bathroom, I turn on the faucet and proceed to wash my face off quickly, seeing the black remnants of mascara swirl down the drain as if I were exorcising my demons. I don't rush through my time, knowing Jax wouldn't dare come to me without some sign that I was ready to see him. Glancing over my appearance and noting the improvement I suddenly feel that I am ready. Armored with the knowledge that I could not be swayed by false pretenses and poetic declarations, confidence surges through my countenance and I am standing taller than I have since I was sent those fucking pictures. Sucking in a deep breath, I leave the safety of the bathroom and head into the kitchen where I am sure everyone is waiting. Turning down the hallway, my assumptions are confirmed when I am suddenly face to face with the most important people in my life. Jax is sitting at the head of the table, Happy at his right and Abel on his left with the remaining seats filled haphazardly by Tommy and Ryanna. The voices, though not loud to begin with, quieted to a deafening silence as all eyes in the room turned to look at me. After a quick cursory glance to make sure that Abel and Happy were indeed unharmed, my eyes locked with his and I was gone.

Tunnel vision is what they call it, when you can only see one thing in your line of sight. All I could see was Jackson Teller, falling into the depths of eyes usually guarded, I knew that this was his way of letting me know the sincerity of his regret. When a man who is capable of great and terrible violence allows you into his heart, it oftentimes becomes unthinkable to deny him in those fleeting moments. As difficult as it is to shut off the parts of me that love him so inexplicably, I refuse to stand there and be wooed back into some sense of complacency. And so I close my eyes, take a moment, and re-open them with every intention of protecting myself against the emotional onslaught. Taking stock of the situation I see that everyone is frozen in their seats, their eyes unable to tear away from the train wreck that is my relationship. Thinking to prevent the inevitable if only for a moment longer, I turn towards Abel and call him to me. He gets up hesitantly, as if afraid of what I will do, and approaches me solemnly. Had even an ounce of me been angry at Abel for not stopping his idiot father, I would have absolved him of any sins in that moment. It killed me to see my son afraid of me, of what I would do, and so when he stopped inches in front of me, looking every bit a man, it was all I could do to wrap my arms around his waist and hold on tight. His arms wrapped around my back in seconds and I wasn't holding a grown man, but my baby boy again. Leaning my head into his neck, I whisper "I love you," and close my eyes for a moment when he whispers the same.

After a while, I untangled myself from Abel and walked around the other side of the table, grasping the shoulders of my other babies along the way. Stopping in front of the man who had become like a brother to me, we looked at each other expressing more without words than we ever could have done with them. Split seconds later he was out of his chair and hugging me briefly before herding my children out of the kitchen. We would have time to talk later, but I needed to address Jax before I ran out of my courage and just fell apart completely. It was much easier to play strong when my every nerve wasn't on fire with the awareness that the love of my life was only feet away, and yet he had never felt so far away. It was as if I was looking at a doppelganger, someone who looked exactly like my husband, but who held none of the same characteristics that made him uniquely him. Sitting in the seat that Happy just vacated, I couldn't speak. My mind was racing a mile a minute trying to reconcile the man across from me with the man from those gruesome photos and shit just wasn't adding up anymore.

Opening my mouth to speak, I found that no words would form. The anger that had nourished me for days was mysteriously absent once in the presence of Jax, and nothing that I had planned to say seemed right anymore. So, I was quiet. He was quiet. Everything was quiet. It seemed as if the universe knew that this moment was so pivotal that it could ill afford any distractions, and so it silenced the world. Just as I thought that we would be stuck in this endless, deafening limbo, he finally spoke. At first it was just my name, "Tara," he said softly. I knew he was trying to get me look at him, but I found that it was easier to stare at the chip in the upper left-hand corner of the table than to turn towards his voice. In these moments, I truly despised myself, despised how weak I had become in his presence, how my voice was reduced to nothing.

Jax P.O.V

The minute Tara appeared in the doorway, all our conservations ceased. Every eye in the room was drawn to her, and as she made her rounds greeting Abel and Happy and confirming that they came back to her in the condition they left, I found that I physically couldn't stop staring at her. Even if I hadn't already known that she found out about my cheating, it would be glaringly obvious that she was pissed to high hell at me. Her spine is ramrod straight and all her generally warm, comforting habits seemed racked with tension. I become aware that the kids have filed out of the room with Happy acting as shepherd, and I watch as Tara sits in Happy's vacant seat. She won't look at me again. "Tara," I call softly, repeatedly. I know that she can hear me, and yet she keeps herself closed off from me. "Tara, please just acknowledge me here babe." I am pleading. Desperate. Scared. She scoffs and finally looks up at me, her eyes guarded, hiding the parts of her that I need to see.

"You know," I said somewhat stupidly, but I'm at a loss as to how to even start this conversation. Tara stares at me blankly for a moment before reaching into her pants pocket and pulling out her cellphone. She fumbles around with it before finding what she was looking for, and then with a withering glare she slides it toward me, crossing her arms in front of her chest when it has been delivered. We are silent for heartbeat, then as I look down at the phone screen and see the incriminating photos, she speaks to me for the first time. The only thing she has to say to me as I look down at the fucked up evidence of my fucked up betrayal is, "Yeah, I guess I know." Sliding my eyes from the phone and back to Tara's stone cold face I am suddenly struck with this gut wrenching uneasiness, I don't know how we can come back from this, what if she can't forgive me?


	7. Chapter 7

*I do not own Sons of Anarchy, Kurt Sutter, unfortunately does.

Tara P.O.V

The absolute nerve of this man, to sit there across from me and to so casually ask if I know that he cheated on me for the umpteenth fucking time. I feel a little gratified to see the revolted look on his face as he looks at the pictures that shattered me. This conversation can go two separate ways, either I am calm and collected or I am a complete and utter bitch, so far I've contained myself pretty well considering. However, deep in the darkest parts of my heart, every ounce of me is begging to hurt him, to cut him with every word I deign throw in his direction. "You should really watch who you're fucking, apparently they like to show and tell." Well, guess that decides which way this conversation is heading after all. He looks up at me sharply, eyes glittering with confusion and hurt, "I understand that I screwed up, but that's uncalled for Tara." Sucking in a breath, I hold the air down deep in my lungs, trying to control the urge to leap at him and rip his fucking face off. One, two, three, fo˗ suddenly all the air expels from my body as I jump from my chair and slam it into the table. Chest heaving and breathing labored, my body trembles with just barely controlled rage as I stare down Jax.

"You must be fucking kidding me," I just manage to grind out, "there is no way in this world or the next that you have any right to chastise me! God damnit Jax, this isn't some bullshit misunderstanding about who was supposed to pick up the kids from school, you slept with someone else!" There is so much that I want to say, but I don't know how to articulate everything flying around in my head. My brain is running a mile a minute and I can't keep up with what direction I need to follow. So I focus on my breathing, remembering that my kids are in the house, and even if they are practically grown, this isn't a conversation they should be privy too. He just sits in his chair, non-plussed about my reaction, which only serves to piss me off further. In an attempt to pull myself together, I pull out my chair and slide back into the seat, scooting around to provide the greatest distance between us as possible. Of course Jax notices and he looks at me with those tortured eyes and all I want to do is get over myself and forgive him, but I would never forgive myself if I let this go…again.

"Quit looking at me like that, you think I don't know what you're doing here Jackson." To his credit, he doesn't try to play innocent and instead just answers the question, "I just want you to see how sorry I am Babe, I am so unbelievably sorry." No, I am not falling for this. "You can take that apology and shove it up your ass Jackson, it doesn't hold any worth to me." His nostrils flare and I know that I've finally started to push his buttons, the truth will come out the minute he believes that I've disrespected him enough. Jax is uncannily adept at manipulation, and if I just let him talk to me, the next thing I know the issue will be swept under the rug and I'm pulled back into his orbit. "I have been faithful to you for all this time Tara, cut me some fucking slack here." He has no idea what he has just done…Game on.

"Oh, do you want a prize? What can we get for the King of Charming? Surely he at least deserves a pat on the back for keeping his dick in his pants and being loyal to his wife and mother of his three children. Is that what you want Jackson? Recognition? Well good on you baby. I've been faithful to you since the moment we got together when Abel was just a baby. I didn't turn my back on you when you cheated on me with that porn slut Ima, I was loyal to you as you left me alone and pregnant with a toddler for fourteen fucking months while you were in jail. Where's my prize then Jackson? Huh, where's my fucking award for keeping my knees closed when you up and leave for days or weeks at a time for club business! And who even knows what the hell you were really doing while you were gone because apparently you have this tendency to sleep with anything that walks and throws a smile your way!" I tried to keep my voice level, but towards the end I couldn't control myself anymore and screamed the last of the sentence. "But no, there isn't any award _for me_ is there Jackson because I only did what was expected of me right? Stay home, take care of your kids, be ready to suck your dick whenever you decide to come home from doing god knows what with god knows who."

The part of me that wants my marriage to survive knows that this isn't all true, but the bigger part of me relishes every flinch that flits across Jax's face. The devil on my shoulder crows in glee as every word strikes him with the precision of surgeon's scalpel, my scalpel. "Do you really think that I couldn't have cheated on you Jax…or are you that conceited to think that you're the only one who people find irresistible?" I couldn't take my eyes off him, so I knew the exact moment when I crossed the line. His jaws had been wired shut for the entirety of my rant, probably so he wouldn't say something so incredibly stupid, again. His eyes widened briefly as his nostrils flared, and then he was out of his seat so fast that if I wasn't so attuned to his every movement, I would have missed it. He stalks towards me and suddenly we're both out of our chairs as I leapt from my chair to level the playing field. We are inches apart when he growls between his clenched teeth, "What the fuck are you talking about Tara?" He's too close. I can't breathe. So, I shove past him to put some distance between us again and lean against the kitchen counter a few respectable feet away.

"What I am saying, asshole, is that if I wanted to cash in on that prison clause, I damn well could have. Contrary to popular belief, there are men in this town who would actually enjoy fucking me and only me. To some people, Jackson, I am a prize. A beautiful, badass surgeon who saves the lives of babies every fucking day!" I take sick pleasure in watching as his breathing increases exponentially throughout my tirade, I want him to think about me with other men, to have the images haunt him as I've been haunted by his. Suddenly, it all makes sense. "You know what Jackson, I have actually decided what I want to do about us." He looks up suddenly, equal parts hopeful and fearful, and stares me down waiting for my response. "I want to see other people." "Excuse me?" he sputters out. "You heard me, I want to see what options I have. Check out what other fish this Charming Sea has to offer." Jax is looking at me like I've lost my damn mind, when in actuality I've never been surer on what I need to do. "We can't see other people Tara, we. are. married." He enunciates the last three words as if I was the one who needed the clarification. "That little fact had little to no bearing on your piss poor decisions Jackson Teller, so don't you dare sit there and play as if you suddenly give a shit about our vows. Now, I want you to get the hell out of my house." Taking advantage of his uncharacteristic staidness, I strut out of the kitchen, walk past my clearly eavesdropping family with my head held high, and make it inside my room before locking the door, sliding against it, and falling apart at the seams…


End file.
